The World Famous Las Vegas Carpetorium

– A nauseating look at the floor

You can’t spell Las Vegas without savages. Las Vegas translates from Spanish as ‘the meadow’ and you can’t spell ‘the meadow’ without ‘death meow’. Either way, Las Vegas is a thousand foot blazing neon tombstone with the word ‘hope’ splattered across it in syphilitic ropes of yellow semen.

To say that Vegas is the Disneyland for adults could be more accurate than one may at first think. Evil vibrations flow through The Strip, the cash registers are salivating and fascism is alive and well and wearing a sequin bikini on Freemont Street. The rodent patron of eternal damnation would be shitting his pants with glee. Carnage everywhere. This is the human spirit its lowest and most ugly.

Even the floor is fucked beyond belief in Las Vegas. Look down in any casino, hotel or prison cell and you will find yourself in a mind bending mire of bad psychedelia, insane paisley and shit Escher. If art is the window into the soul, then the flooring in Vegas is surely the u-bend into madness.

So come with me, ladies and gentlemen. Come with me into the dark spaces inbetween, into the city that never sleeps because its ch’i is totally Balzac’d, and let’s take a look at the top 10 most mental carpets in Las Vegas.

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And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing is gained in Las Vegas, only lost. You thought that you had fun, but you didn’t. You pissed a third of your annual income up against a wall, puked blue and green stuff into a hat and got an infection from a midget prostitute dressed as a flamingo.

Good times, as they say. Good times.

House wins again.

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