Bad Taxidermy At The Bloodied Caribou Lodge

Do not smile. Do not make eye contact. Keep your hands on the wheel and fully visible at all times. The border official paces around the car like a paedo-wolf or Piers Morgan, whichever is worse. Do not speak unless you are spoken to. Answer the officer in a timely and respectful manner.

It was another beautiful day at the Poker Creek border crossing.

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Strange Nausea In Inuvik

My secretary and I have been incarcerated in an Arctic gulag known as Inuvik in Canada’s Northwest Territories. We have been here for approximately six days or years; I cannot be sure since the sun does not set at this latitude.

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Bad Drugs On Prince William Sound

My secretary and I have urgent business to attend to in Seward, the nature of which cannot be revealed here for reasons which cannot be revealed here, but it is imperative that we should be in The Salmon Bake bar and restaurant by sundown. Needless to say, the consequence of our absence would be devastating – for all of us.

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