Do not smile. Do not make eye contact. Keep your hands on the wheel and fully visible at all times. The border official paces around the car like a paedo-wolf or Piers Morgan, whichever is worse. Do not speak unless you are spoken to. Answer the officer in a timely and respectful manner.
It was another beautiful day at the Poker Creek border crossing.
Read more "Bad Taxidermy At The Bloodied Caribou Lodge"
My secretary and I stand at the edge of a place not intended for life to occur. A swirling portal of cold malevolence lies beyond these endless ice cliffs and lattices of crevasse. Dark forces are at work here. Even the Earth itself has deemed this place unsuitable for continued existence.
Read more "Scary Things At The Edge Of Harding Icefield"
We sat alone on Thorofare Ridge as the savage tragedy of nature’s brutal indifference plays out below us. We are very small and the wilderness does not care if we live or die. We attempt in vain to calculate the impossible infinity in front of us while we eat our sandwiches.
Read more "The Insatiable Greed Of The Drooling Lens Hole"
My secretary and I have urgent business to attend to in Seward, the nature of which cannot be revealed here for reasons which cannot be revealed here, but it is imperative that we should be in The Salmon Bake bar and restaurant by sundown. Needless to say, the consequence of our absence would be devastating – for all of us.
Read more "Bad Drugs On Prince William Sound"
Gimp Santa on a tricycle isn’t usually something that you would associate with Independence Day, but strange things happen in Alaska.
Read more "In Search Of Weird Deviants On The Road To Denali"
What should have been a simple road trip from Anchorage to Denali National Park quickly turned into an odyssey of the bizarre.